apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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