why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The adults are the big ones right?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
