a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
