Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
