he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
