i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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