sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
