I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
