Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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