East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
