I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
