I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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