I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
