The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
