in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
