Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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