i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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