Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
