This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
