Where did you get a picture of my penis
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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