he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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