the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
