just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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