I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
