in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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