How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
