Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want her autograph on my taint
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
