I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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