I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
