i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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