she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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