Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
