I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well I just put wine in my tea
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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