Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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