he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
