I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
