i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
