I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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