And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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