who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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