Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize