it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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