I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize