i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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