4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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