dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
