Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
