yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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