Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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