If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
