Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
