My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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