i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
