he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
A bitchslap is in order.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
