Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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