i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I could make wine with my vomit
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
