ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
