Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
