have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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