My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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