please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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