The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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