SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
