how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
