I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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