i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
