its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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