Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
