It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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