My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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