so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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