So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
please come you make the beer taste better
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
