Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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