I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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