My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
two words...techno handjob
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
