Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
A+ Viking dick
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
