please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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