Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
