remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
