you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
